Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Giving Thanks

"How can I say thanks for the things you have done for me?" That is the first line to a song I used to sing in church with my dad when I was little. It has been going through my head all day. It is a song intended to thank God for all the things He has done for us and you'd think that since it is so close to Thanksgiving... well, it makes sense. But this song has been going through my head today for a different reason; Scott and I have a task ahead of us. We need to write letters to the birth parents of our future child. Can you imagine? What a difficult task! We do not know who these people will be. We do not know where they will come from. We don't know their age, race, religion; all we know is that they will give us something amazing. And somehow we have to figure out how to tell them "Thank You" for this wonderful gift! We have to explain to them that we will treasure their child, our child, for the rest of our lives.
How do you convey your heart, soul, and entire being in only a page of words? How do we express who we are and what we are about? And let's think about it from their perspective-how do you choose who will care for your child for the rest of their lives from a couple letters and some pictures? Adoption is an amazing thing, but what a hard thing it is at the same time. Everyone involved is losing something. But in the end we all hope to gain so much more than we could ever imagine. In the end we hope to be a family. Not just Scott, me, and the child we adopt, but also his/her birth parents. No matter what level of involvement they choose to pursue, I hope that they can one day be a part of our family as well.
Now... how do I put this all into words for a mom who is hurting and trying to decide who will raise her child? Pray for me!
http://www.youcaring.com/adoption-fundraiser/loving-for-keeps/102675

Monday, November 11, 2013

The Price of Adoption

   Why not adopt through the foster care system? That is a question Scott and I (mostly me) are asked on a regular basis. It is true, there are a lot of children in the foster care system that need good homes. It also costs far less to adopt a child through the foster care system and there is even an agency in WA that will pay all the costs for it. So why do all of this and pay all of this to adopt an infant through a private, non-profit adoption agency?
   We have looked into every method of adoption that we could find. These past two years have involved us looking at different ways of adopting and trying to find the right path for our adoption at this time in our lives. We feel that we are capable of handling a child with some significant medical issues that others would not feel comfortable taking on. Abortion is a common choice for these babies when they are diagnosed in utero. I think about this all the time. What if my mother had decided that my physical disability was too much to handle or she didn't want me to have to live with such a thing? By spending this amount of money and going through an agency that will provide support (mental, physical, and spiritual) for the birth mother, we are hoping that we will be able to make a difference in this choice. We are hoping that a birth mother will see that their child is wanted by someone who can handle their physical or mental limitations and give them a chance at life with us.
   We did research on our adoption agency as well and have come to the conclusion that the money we are spending is well worth it. We aren't buying a child or giving money to a big, faceless corporation. We are providing the support that is needed to the birth parents of our future child. Bethany encourages and facilitates open adoptions for the sake of all those involved. We are securing a connection for our child so they can, hopefully, know where they came from and that they were wanted from the beginning of their lives.
   We want to adopt more than once and we may choose a different method to adopt our next child, but for this time, this is our path. Please continue to pray for us and share our blog so we may be able to touch the lives of some, encourage others, and be able to raise the money we need to show our profile books to those birth parents who are out there hoping that someone will love their child as much as they would.

http://www.youcaring.com/adoption-fundraiser/loving-for-keeps/102675

Monday, November 4, 2013

Two Years and Just Beginning

   Two years - That is how long ago we started on our adoption journey. It doesn't seem like it has been that long, but at the same time it seems like forever. We entered into the adoption world with high hopes and bigger dreams. We thought that the biggest obstacle was going to be coming up with the money to pay for the adoption. We were wrong. 
   I was born with Osteogenesis Imperfecta (O.I.), or brittle bone disease, and because of it I have had over 100 broken bones in my lifetime, most before the age of 13. My father and oldest sister also had the condition so, although it was definitely rough, it wasn't something that really held me back. I was raised to believe that I could achieve anything and that my bone condition was just something that made me all that much stronger. My doctors had thought I wouldn't walk, but my dad knew better and pushed, prodded, and encouraged me on my way. 
   I am able to walk, I do not break any more, I finished high school with high honors, graduated from college with a Bachelor of Science, and am working at Seattle Children's Hospital as a research project coordinator. I don't tell you any of this to "toot my own horn" as it were, but to show that my bone condition has not held me back from anything, except maybe from running those marathons everyone seems to be so fond of nowadays. 
   Imagine our surprise when we started to pursue an adoption from Ethiopia only to be told that we would most likely be denied based solely on my diagnosis of O.I. Ethiopia does not have the guidelines set in place that a country like China has, so not only would we most likely be rejected, but we would not find this out until we had traveled to Ethiopia, met the child, spent tens of thousands of dollars, and become quite attached to a little child we were planning on parenting. 
   We were heartbroken. We were confused. We didn't know what to do. Scott and I had talked of adopting a child from Africa since before we were married. My mother had been a missionary and teacher in Cameroon for two years and because of that I had always had a soft spot in my heart for the children in those countries. 
   We decided that we would look into adopting from other countries, but hit obstacles at every turn. Ok, God, we get it, adopting from another country is not in the cards for us right now. So, what is it, Lord? What are we supposed to be doing? 
   We started the domestic (or within the U.S.) adoption process with Bethany Christian Services, but were scared off by the large cost that came with that option. Then we heard about "Lila", a little girl who had been adopted from China the year before, but was being re-adopted as she had recently been diagnosed with dwarfism and was not bonding well with her parents. We immediately felt like this was the direction we were supposed to go. We pulled together everything we would need and sent it in within a week, including a heartfelt letter to her adoptive parents, pouring out our hearts to them to explain why we wanted the chance to be her parents. The last thing I needed to do was e-mail the adoption agency pictures of Scott and I to go with our application. In response to those pictures, I received the news that the adoptive parents had already picked a family to adopt "Lila", the very first family they interviewed.
   Wow... this had seemed so right. This had seemed like the path. We were wrong again. What were we doing wrong? Were we not supposed to be parents at all? No, we know we are to be parents, we know that adoption is the right path for us. We just need to be patient, understand that all of this is for a reason, and know that once we are through this it will all be worth it. 
   That was about a year ago and, after some time taken to heal our hearts, we began to look into all of our options for a domestic adoption. That is where we came back to Bethany. It is a great organization that provides so many invaluable services, for us, for our future child, and for the birth parents. 
   Scott and I together have come to the conclusion that this is the path intended for us. The finances will be there if we just rely on God and trust in His provision. We've made it through the home study process already and are just waiting on the approval letter (which should take a little over a month). Then we will be applying for financial aid from several different Christian agencies that receive donations to give out to adopting families. The problem we are facing now is that we cannot apply for those grants/loans until the home study is approved, but once the home study is approved we will need to make our next payments to the agency. Complications! 
   We will be doing several fundraisers in the upcoming weeks and months, so please keep us in your prayers, we value those more than anything. Check out our YouCaring website for an awesome photo slideshow and a way to donate to our adoption online. https://www.youcaring.com/LovingForKeeps
   Thank you for all of your encouragement! Follow our blog so you are sure to get updates as we have them! 
Love,
Scott and Tristen