How do you say family? What does that word mean to you? Is it just those who are related to you biologically or does it include a larger group? As my friend, who has been staying with us for many months, prepares to fly away tomorrow morning to live with her husband in Northern Ireland I can't help but feel like we are losing a part of our family. She isn't biologically related to us, but she has been such an important part of our lives and has become a part of our little family.
Those questions are also important for those who are adopting. One of the biggest fears of those who are preparing to adopt is, "Can I love this child like 'my own'?" Scott even said that he had worried about it a bit and I looked at him and said, "But don't you love me?". He smiled and said, "Yes!" That was that; of course he could love someone who wasn't biologically related to him, he has loved me for over 12 years!
This has never really been an issue for me, I hadn't even thought about it until I read this in a book about adoptive parenting. I believe this is due to the mentality and values of my parents. As we were growing up my parents were always bringing in people who needed a place to stay or just needed a place to have dinner. If someone didn't have a family to spend time with, we became that family for them.
Scott and I both have a lot of biological family, but we also have a lot of friends we would consider to be family as well. Those who don't need an invitation to come over, those who don't knock when they enter our house, those who invite us for "family" dinners, and those who love us no matter what kind of crap we put each other through, in fact we often become closer through the hard times! These are our family and it doesn't matter how we came to know each other.
When you look up the definition of family on Google, one of the definitions is: "a group of people united in criminal activity", this could describe some of our friends. :) But another definition is: "a person or people related to one and so to be treated with special loyalty or intimacy." So, what is the definition of related: "belonging to the same family, group, or type; connected" That last word is important to me... connected. So, let's put it together, a family is a person or people connected to one and so to be treated with special loyalty or intimacy. Exactly! We have chosen to be each other's family because we have chosen to be connected to each other.
That is what we are doing through adoption. We are choosing to connect ourselves to a child who needs a family to treat them with special loyalty. We are expanding our family, sharing our love, "loving for keeps".
Go here to see our latest update; exciting news posted today! http://www.youcaring.com/adoption-fundraiser/loving-for-keeps/102675
Saturday, December 28, 2013
Monday, December 2, 2013
Expecting
Scott and I are expecting parents! We don't have a due date, we don't get one of those unintelligible pictures of our growing baby every couple months or so, and my belly isn't increasing in size every week (but it will be if I don't lay off the comfort food, haha). It is a different kind of expecting. We have been required to answer all the hard questions already, we have to come up with enough money to raise this child to adulthood, but then spend most of it before we even meet him/her, and we don't know when they will be here, it could be any day or it could be years from now. But, nevertheless, we are expecting to be parents. Instead of anxiously awaiting every little kick, we get excited about e-mails and phone calls! We are excited and scared and nervous... as are most expecting parents. We are preparing for a child to come to our home, our family. We don't know what this child will look like, we don't even know what the color of their skin will be, but this doesn't matter. We are so excited to meet our child someday! We are so excited to be a family of three after over 11 years of just the two of us.
We are also guarding our hearts. It has been a rough and rocky two years of seeking to adopt. I imagine that we feel the same trepidation that a pregnant woman would feel who has had a miscarriage. It is a hesitant kind of expecting. You believe, hope and pray that everything will work out, but you don't know the future, you don't know what God has in store for your family. It is hard.
Please don't mistake our hesitancy for lack of excitement and enthusiasm, we really can't wait to be parents! It is just a difficult thing to let your heart become so invested in something after it has been stomped on a few times. We are taking it one baby step at a time. We hope to put together a baby registry soon, a very big step for me! It makes me all nervous and giddy at the same time. We have purchased paint and such for the "nursery". I am hoarding my PTO (Paid Time Off) hours like a squirrel in the fall, since paid maternity leave isn't guaranteed for an adoptive mother at my work. All of these things are small, baby steps to our hearts' desires. We know we are on the path that God has intended for us, in fact He proved it to us this last weekend (more on that at another time). We are expectant parents and we are expecting a miracle!
This morning I looked at Facebook on my phone and then shut off the screen and put the phone down. A couple seconds later the screen lit up again as if I was getting a phone call so I picked it up. Somehow my Bible app had opened and the verse of the day was looking back at me. "This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us - whatever we ask - we know that we have what we have asked of Him." 1 John 5:14-15
Thank you, Lord, for hearing us!
http://www.youcaring.com/adoption-fundraiser/loving-for-keeps/102675
We are also guarding our hearts. It has been a rough and rocky two years of seeking to adopt. I imagine that we feel the same trepidation that a pregnant woman would feel who has had a miscarriage. It is a hesitant kind of expecting. You believe, hope and pray that everything will work out, but you don't know the future, you don't know what God has in store for your family. It is hard.
Please don't mistake our hesitancy for lack of excitement and enthusiasm, we really can't wait to be parents! It is just a difficult thing to let your heart become so invested in something after it has been stomped on a few times. We are taking it one baby step at a time. We hope to put together a baby registry soon, a very big step for me! It makes me all nervous and giddy at the same time. We have purchased paint and such for the "nursery". I am hoarding my PTO (Paid Time Off) hours like a squirrel in the fall, since paid maternity leave isn't guaranteed for an adoptive mother at my work. All of these things are small, baby steps to our hearts' desires. We know we are on the path that God has intended for us, in fact He proved it to us this last weekend (more on that at another time). We are expectant parents and we are expecting a miracle!
This morning I looked at Facebook on my phone and then shut off the screen and put the phone down. A couple seconds later the screen lit up again as if I was getting a phone call so I picked it up. Somehow my Bible app had opened and the verse of the day was looking back at me. "This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us - whatever we ask - we know that we have what we have asked of Him." 1 John 5:14-15
Thank you, Lord, for hearing us!
http://www.youcaring.com/adoption-fundraiser/loving-for-keeps/102675
Wednesday, November 27, 2013
Giving Thanks
"How can I say thanks for the things you have done for me?" That is the first line to a song I used to sing in church with my dad when I was little. It has been going through my head all day. It is a song intended to thank God for all the things He has done for us and you'd think that since it is so close to Thanksgiving... well, it makes sense. But this song has been going through my head today for a different reason; Scott and I have a task ahead of us. We need to write letters to the birth parents of our future child. Can you imagine? What a difficult task! We do not know who these people will be. We do not know where they will come from. We don't know their age, race, religion; all we know is that they will give us something amazing. And somehow we have to figure out how to tell them "Thank You" for this wonderful gift! We have to explain to them that we will treasure their child, our child, for the rest of our lives.
How do you convey your heart, soul, and entire being in only a page of words? How do we express who we are and what we are about? And let's think about it from their perspective-how do you choose who will care for your child for the rest of their lives from a couple letters and some pictures? Adoption is an amazing thing, but what a hard thing it is at the same time. Everyone involved is losing something. But in the end we all hope to gain so much more than we could ever imagine. In the end we hope to be a family. Not just Scott, me, and the child we adopt, but also his/her birth parents. No matter what level of involvement they choose to pursue, I hope that they can one day be a part of our family as well.
Now... how do I put this all into words for a mom who is hurting and trying to decide who will raise her child? Pray for me!
http://www.youcaring.com/adoption-fundraiser/loving-for-keeps/102675
How do you convey your heart, soul, and entire being in only a page of words? How do we express who we are and what we are about? And let's think about it from their perspective-how do you choose who will care for your child for the rest of their lives from a couple letters and some pictures? Adoption is an amazing thing, but what a hard thing it is at the same time. Everyone involved is losing something. But in the end we all hope to gain so much more than we could ever imagine. In the end we hope to be a family. Not just Scott, me, and the child we adopt, but also his/her birth parents. No matter what level of involvement they choose to pursue, I hope that they can one day be a part of our family as well.
Now... how do I put this all into words for a mom who is hurting and trying to decide who will raise her child? Pray for me!
http://www.youcaring.com/adoption-fundraiser/loving-for-keeps/102675
Monday, November 11, 2013
The Price of Adoption
Why not adopt through the foster care system? That is a question Scott and I (mostly me) are asked on a regular basis. It is true, there are a lot of children in the foster care system that need good homes. It also costs far less to adopt a child through the foster care system and there is even an agency in WA that will pay all the costs for it. So why do all of this and pay all of this to adopt an infant through a private, non-profit adoption agency?
We have looked into every method of adoption that we could find. These past two years have involved us looking at different ways of adopting and trying to find the right path for our adoption at this time in our lives. We feel that we are capable of handling a child with some significant medical issues that others would not feel comfortable taking on. Abortion is a common choice for these babies when they are diagnosed in utero. I think about this all the time. What if my mother had decided that my physical disability was too much to handle or she didn't want me to have to live with such a thing? By spending this amount of money and going through an agency that will provide support (mental, physical, and spiritual) for the birth mother, we are hoping that we will be able to make a difference in this choice. We are hoping that a birth mother will see that their child is wanted by someone who can handle their physical or mental limitations and give them a chance at life with us.
We did research on our adoption agency as well and have come to the conclusion that the money we are spending is well worth it. We aren't buying a child or giving money to a big, faceless corporation. We are providing the support that is needed to the birth parents of our future child. Bethany encourages and facilitates open adoptions for the sake of all those involved. We are securing a connection for our child so they can, hopefully, know where they came from and that they were wanted from the beginning of their lives.
We want to adopt more than once and we may choose a different method to adopt our next child, but for this time, this is our path. Please continue to pray for us and share our blog so we may be able to touch the lives of some, encourage others, and be able to raise the money we need to show our profile books to those birth parents who are out there hoping that someone will love their child as much as they would.
http://www.youcaring.com/adoption-fundraiser/loving-for-keeps/102675
We have looked into every method of adoption that we could find. These past two years have involved us looking at different ways of adopting and trying to find the right path for our adoption at this time in our lives. We feel that we are capable of handling a child with some significant medical issues that others would not feel comfortable taking on. Abortion is a common choice for these babies when they are diagnosed in utero. I think about this all the time. What if my mother had decided that my physical disability was too much to handle or she didn't want me to have to live with such a thing? By spending this amount of money and going through an agency that will provide support (mental, physical, and spiritual) for the birth mother, we are hoping that we will be able to make a difference in this choice. We are hoping that a birth mother will see that their child is wanted by someone who can handle their physical or mental limitations and give them a chance at life with us.
We did research on our adoption agency as well and have come to the conclusion that the money we are spending is well worth it. We aren't buying a child or giving money to a big, faceless corporation. We are providing the support that is needed to the birth parents of our future child. Bethany encourages and facilitates open adoptions for the sake of all those involved. We are securing a connection for our child so they can, hopefully, know where they came from and that they were wanted from the beginning of their lives.
We want to adopt more than once and we may choose a different method to adopt our next child, but for this time, this is our path. Please continue to pray for us and share our blog so we may be able to touch the lives of some, encourage others, and be able to raise the money we need to show our profile books to those birth parents who are out there hoping that someone will love their child as much as they would.
http://www.youcaring.com/adoption-fundraiser/loving-for-keeps/102675
Monday, November 4, 2013
Two Years and Just Beginning
Two years - That is how long ago we started on our adoption journey. It doesn't seem like it has been that long, but at the same time it seems like forever. We entered into the adoption world with high hopes and bigger dreams. We thought that the biggest obstacle was going to be coming up with the money to pay for the adoption. We were wrong.
I was born with Osteogenesis Imperfecta (O.I.), or brittle bone disease, and because of it I have had over 100 broken bones in my lifetime, most before the age of 13. My father and oldest sister also had the condition so, although it was definitely rough, it wasn't something that really held me back. I was raised to believe that I could achieve anything and that my bone condition was just something that made me all that much stronger. My doctors had thought I wouldn't walk, but my dad knew better and pushed, prodded, and encouraged me on my way.
I am able to walk, I do not break any more, I finished high school with high honors, graduated from college with a Bachelor of Science, and am working at Seattle Children's Hospital as a research project coordinator. I don't tell you any of this to "toot my own horn" as it were, but to show that my bone condition has not held me back from anything, except maybe from running those marathons everyone seems to be so fond of nowadays.
Imagine our surprise when we started to pursue an adoption from Ethiopia only to be told that we would most likely be denied based solely on my diagnosis of O.I. Ethiopia does not have the guidelines set in place that a country like China has, so not only would we most likely be rejected, but we would not find this out until we had traveled to Ethiopia, met the child, spent tens of thousands of dollars, and become quite attached to a little child we were planning on parenting.
We were heartbroken. We were confused. We didn't know what to do. Scott and I had talked of adopting a child from Africa since before we were married. My mother had been a missionary and teacher in Cameroon for two years and because of that I had always had a soft spot in my heart for the children in those countries.
We decided that we would look into adopting from other countries, but hit obstacles at every turn. Ok, God, we get it, adopting from another country is not in the cards for us right now. So, what is it, Lord? What are we supposed to be doing?
We started the domestic (or within the U.S.) adoption process with Bethany Christian Services, but were scared off by the large cost that came with that option. Then we heard about "Lila", a little girl who had been adopted from China the year before, but was being re-adopted as she had recently been diagnosed with dwarfism and was not bonding well with her parents. We immediately felt like this was the direction we were supposed to go. We pulled together everything we would need and sent it in within a week, including a heartfelt letter to her adoptive parents, pouring out our hearts to them to explain why we wanted the chance to be her parents. The last thing I needed to do was e-mail the adoption agency pictures of Scott and I to go with our application. In response to those pictures, I received the news that the adoptive parents had already picked a family to adopt "Lila", the very first family they interviewed.
Wow... this had seemed so right. This had seemed like the path. We were wrong again. What were we doing wrong? Were we not supposed to be parents at all? No, we know we are to be parents, we know that adoption is the right path for us. We just need to be patient, understand that all of this is for a reason, and know that once we are through this it will all be worth it.
That was about a year ago and, after some time taken to heal our hearts, we began to look into all of our options for a domestic adoption. That is where we came back to Bethany. It is a great organization that provides so many invaluable services, for us, for our future child, and for the birth parents.
Scott and I together have come to the conclusion that this is the path intended for us. The finances will be there if we just rely on God and trust in His provision. We've made it through the home study process already and are just waiting on the approval letter (which should take a little over a month). Then we will be applying for financial aid from several different Christian agencies that receive donations to give out to adopting families. The problem we are facing now is that we cannot apply for those grants/loans until the home study is approved, but once the home study is approved we will need to make our next payments to the agency. Complications!
We will be doing several fundraisers in the upcoming weeks and months, so please keep us in your prayers, we value those more than anything. Check out our YouCaring website for an awesome photo slideshow and a way to donate to our adoption online. https://www.youcaring.com/LovingForKeeps
Thank you for all of your encouragement! Follow our blog so you are sure to get updates as we have them!
Love,
Scott and Tristen
I was born with Osteogenesis Imperfecta (O.I.), or brittle bone disease, and because of it I have had over 100 broken bones in my lifetime, most before the age of 13. My father and oldest sister also had the condition so, although it was definitely rough, it wasn't something that really held me back. I was raised to believe that I could achieve anything and that my bone condition was just something that made me all that much stronger. My doctors had thought I wouldn't walk, but my dad knew better and pushed, prodded, and encouraged me on my way.
I am able to walk, I do not break any more, I finished high school with high honors, graduated from college with a Bachelor of Science, and am working at Seattle Children's Hospital as a research project coordinator. I don't tell you any of this to "toot my own horn" as it were, but to show that my bone condition has not held me back from anything, except maybe from running those marathons everyone seems to be so fond of nowadays.
Imagine our surprise when we started to pursue an adoption from Ethiopia only to be told that we would most likely be denied based solely on my diagnosis of O.I. Ethiopia does not have the guidelines set in place that a country like China has, so not only would we most likely be rejected, but we would not find this out until we had traveled to Ethiopia, met the child, spent tens of thousands of dollars, and become quite attached to a little child we were planning on parenting.
We were heartbroken. We were confused. We didn't know what to do. Scott and I had talked of adopting a child from Africa since before we were married. My mother had been a missionary and teacher in Cameroon for two years and because of that I had always had a soft spot in my heart for the children in those countries.
We decided that we would look into adopting from other countries, but hit obstacles at every turn. Ok, God, we get it, adopting from another country is not in the cards for us right now. So, what is it, Lord? What are we supposed to be doing?
We started the domestic (or within the U.S.) adoption process with Bethany Christian Services, but were scared off by the large cost that came with that option. Then we heard about "Lila", a little girl who had been adopted from China the year before, but was being re-adopted as she had recently been diagnosed with dwarfism and was not bonding well with her parents. We immediately felt like this was the direction we were supposed to go. We pulled together everything we would need and sent it in within a week, including a heartfelt letter to her adoptive parents, pouring out our hearts to them to explain why we wanted the chance to be her parents. The last thing I needed to do was e-mail the adoption agency pictures of Scott and I to go with our application. In response to those pictures, I received the news that the adoptive parents had already picked a family to adopt "Lila", the very first family they interviewed.
Wow... this had seemed so right. This had seemed like the path. We were wrong again. What were we doing wrong? Were we not supposed to be parents at all? No, we know we are to be parents, we know that adoption is the right path for us. We just need to be patient, understand that all of this is for a reason, and know that once we are through this it will all be worth it.
That was about a year ago and, after some time taken to heal our hearts, we began to look into all of our options for a domestic adoption. That is where we came back to Bethany. It is a great organization that provides so many invaluable services, for us, for our future child, and for the birth parents.
Scott and I together have come to the conclusion that this is the path intended for us. The finances will be there if we just rely on God and trust in His provision. We've made it through the home study process already and are just waiting on the approval letter (which should take a little over a month). Then we will be applying for financial aid from several different Christian agencies that receive donations to give out to adopting families. The problem we are facing now is that we cannot apply for those grants/loans until the home study is approved, but once the home study is approved we will need to make our next payments to the agency. Complications!
We will be doing several fundraisers in the upcoming weeks and months, so please keep us in your prayers, we value those more than anything. Check out our YouCaring website for an awesome photo slideshow and a way to donate to our adoption online. https://www.youcaring.com/LovingForKeeps
Thank you for all of your encouragement! Follow our blog so you are sure to get updates as we have them!
Love,
Scott and Tristen
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