Embarrassed in Elizabeth asks . . .

Dear Aeryn,

I feel like the biggest idiot in the world. After my husband and I had some fun one night, we forgot to put our special adult toys back into their hiding place. My ten year old daughter found them, and was of course very curious.

I freaked out, took them back from her, and told her that they were none of her business. I was angrier than I should have been, because I was very embarrassed and didn't know what to say to her. She was scared by my outburst.

What she found was a sexual stimulator and some lubricant. How can I fix things with her and get over my own embarrassment? I know we are going to need to talk about sex in the coming years, and I don't want to scare her again.

Please help!
Embarrassed in Elizabeth

Dear Elizabeth,

Before you can address issues of sexuality with your daughter, you need to overcome your shame. Remind yourself that there is nothing embarrassing about having a fulfilling sex life, as long as you are being safe and respectful of your partner(s). Practice talking about sex -- to your mirror, your husband, or your friends. Get comfortable with yourself as a sexual being. Then, you can approach your daughter.

First, you will need to sit her down and apologize for your outburst. Explain that you were embarrassed by what she found and unsure of how to talk to her about it -- and then be prepared to answer her questions.

One of the easiest ways to explain a sex toy is to describe it as something adults use to make their bodies feel good. Depending how much your daughter already knows about sex (I'm guessing not a lot), she may or may not have more questions. Be honest with her, and let her know that she can come to you with any concerns she has. Apologize again for mis-handling the situation, and let her take the lead from there.

Remember, it is better to have a running dialogue about sexual health issues rather than a one-time talk about the birds and the bees, so from now on, try to keep the lines of communication open in your home!

xoxo,

Aeryn

Clueless Carl asks advice . . .

Dear Aeryn,

I broke up with my girlfriend of five years nearly two years ago, and avoided dating since then. Now I feel ready to put myself out there again, but I have no idea where to start. I need advice on everything -- where to meet women, how to approach them, and what to do if one agrees to a first date. Can you recommend any books or sites for me? Any general advice? I am truly lost.

Thank you in advance,
Clueless Carl

Dear Carl,

Jumping back in to the dating scene after so many years away can be a daunting prospect, but you can do it!

DrDating.com has a whole selection of free ebooks that can help you learn the arts of seduction, relating, and developing a loving relationship. Take some time and read them, while getting yourself psyched up about the thought of meeting someone new. You can also read these dating advice articles if you have a specific question that needs answering.

Once you've studied up on love, you'll want to consider starting your search with an online personals site. Browse through the comprehensive directory of dating sites and find one or two that suit your interests. Set up your profile and wait for the responses to come in, or start emailing other members to see if you can make a connection.

Getting up the courage to start dating again after a long hiatus is by far the most difficult part. Consider your battle half won and begin looking toward the future with a new partner.

Good luck and let me know how it goes!
Aeryn

Ugly Duckling asks for advice . . .

Dear Aeryn,

I am tired of being seen as "one of the guys" when I'm with my friends. Though I've always been comfortable as a tomboy, I feel like I know nothing about being feminine. I have feelings for one of my male friends now, and I would like him to see me as a potential girlfriend, not a sister. Is it too late for me to learn to be a girl?

Sign me,
An Ugly Duckling Longing to Be a Swan

Dear Swan,

I would never advocate changing yourself for a guy, but if you really do want to experiment with something new for yourself, you have my blessing.

Start by reading some online health and beauty blogs. They're basically the equivalent of free girly magazine subscriptions, giving you hints on things like clearing up your skin, getting in shape, and putting on makeup. These stereotypically feminine things will set you apart from the guys in your social circle.

You may also want to read up on fashion and overhaul your wardrobe. If you've taken to wearing a lot of baggy clothes and sportswear, now's the time to invest in some hosiery and sexy underthings. Just knowing that you're wearing tighter fitting, sexy clothing will be enough to change your posture, walk, and the way you act around your friends.

Like I said, please don't change yourself for a man. Do it for you!

Feel beautiful!
Aeryn

A Desperate Housewife asks advice . . .

Dear Aeryn,

I have been married for five years now, and I'm starting to feel bored in my relationship. My husband is a kind and loving man, but everything in our lives feels so routine and dull. I don't want a divorce and I am not interested in seeing otherpeople, I just want to get back those feelings we had when we were first together. What do you suggest?

Sign me,
A Desperate Housewife

Dear Bree (or whichever one you are ;-),

The five year mark is a common time for couples to begin experiencing boredom and restlessness in a relationship. You're not alone -- and you're very smart for taking action now, before any resentment builds up between you and your husband.

There are lots of ways to infuse your relationship with romance. Getting away from home is an excellent way to start. Go somewhere neither of you have ever been before, and explore the sights together. Be active: plan tours and experiences rather than laying around in bed or on the beach each day. This will give you new and interesting things to talk about and will add some unique memories to your shared history.

If you're particularly wanting to spice things up in the bedroom, visit an adult toy store online or in person. Instead of shopping for your personal sexual pleasure, look for sex toys that you can enjoy as a couple. Again, do something you've never tried before. Not only will you feel like you're experiencing a new partner, you'll also be building those positive shared memories that can hold a couple together through even the roughest times. Some of my favorite ideas for couples looking to ignite that romantic spark include role-playing costumes and lingerie, lovers games that will get you talking and touching, and massage kits.

The most important thing you can do is break out of that old routine. Change things around in your home and in your relationship, and you'll be feeling those wonderful butterflies in no time!

May you enjoy another wonderful five years together,
Aeryn

Arnold asks for advice . . .

Dear Aeryn,

My girlfriend and I were planning a to spend a romantic week at the beach this summer, revisiting the boardwalk where we first met. I purchased an engagement ring and made plans to propose to her while we were on vacation. Last week, she announced that she would not be able to get away from work for our trip. I tried not to show my disappointment, but I am at a loss. My proposal is ruined! Please help!

Beach Bummed,
Arnold

Dear Arnold,

Don't dispair. If your girlfriend can't go to the beach, bring the beach to your girlfriend! While she goes to work, set up all your favorite beachy things in her living room. Fill up a platic swimming pool with warm water, burn ocean scented candles, lay out towels on the floor, and scatter shells around the room. Plan in advance so that you can replace her window coverings with shades made from tropical wood. If she has a fireplace, fill it with driftwood. Plan a picnic dinner and make some funnel cakes as dessert. You get the idea!

She'll be thrilled by your creativity and surprised by your proposal all at the same time. I don't think there's a girl in the world who could turn down anyone who made her feel so special.

Pretty soon, you'll be shopping for wedding invitations!

Love,
Aeryn

Kevin asks for advice:

Dear Aeryn,

I am a thirty year old man from the northeastern United States. I think I'm a good guy, easy-going, and fun to be with. I enjoy a variety of hobbies and feel as though I have a very full life -- with one exception. I haven't yet found a woman to share my life. Things have ended badly with every romantic prospect I've ever had, and I'm starting to feel biased against women from my area. They're all mean! Where can I find some nice girls who would appreciate a good guy like me?

Kevin

Dear Kevin,

First of all, I'm sorry you've had a run of bad luck in love! I hope I can help get you on the path to finding the lady of your dreams.

Before you give up all hope on dating women from your area, start with a clean emotional slate. Stop harboring negative feelings about the way you've been treated in the past, and make a promise to yourself that you will treat every woman you meet from now on as an individual, not just part of the group that has done you wrong. In doing this, you may be able to open your mind and heart enough to find love locally.

If you would still rather persue a relationship with someone who has fewer ties to your hometown, there are many online dating sites that aim to connect American men with women from distant lands. One service in particular is set up to introduce men who are looking for life partners to marriage minded women. These women come from a culture that values marriage and family, so if you have similar goals, dating a woman from overseas may be the right choice for you.

Whether you go looking for love on this continent or on another, remember what you wrote to me. You are a good guy with a full life. Soon, women will start noticing that and they will want to be a part of your world.

Good luck, Kevin! Please keep us posted on your search for love!

Yours,
Aeryn Hart

Welcome!

Chances are, you've discovered this blog because you're looking for love.

My name is Aeryn Hart, and I'm here to help.

I'm not a doctor, but I have years of experience as a matchmaker for my friends and family. Some of the loving couples I've helped to unite have even gone on to marry and have children together! I can't make you any promises, but I will give you the best advice I possibly can.

Do you need help finding the love of your life? Are you head over heels and ready to take the next step? Do you need a way to put the spark back into a long-term partnership? I'm your girl!

Ask me your love and relationship questions, and I will answer quickly and honestly. Comment right here to receive advice on love from a down-to-earth, girl next door who is never afraid to speak her mind on matters of the heart.

I'm looking forward to hearing from you!

XoXo,
Aeryn Hart